Article written by: Lyn Semeta

Before the doctor said those four dreaded words, “your daughter has autism”, before my world became a 24/7 immersion into the world of research, seminars, doctors, support groups and therapies, the world was full of possibility.

My husband and I had just moved back to the coastal town where I grew up to raise our two daughters. Here they would be enveloped by my large, loving family. Just five years in to establishing my law career, I had just opened a new local office.

We’d found the perfect preschool for our girls and had hired a contractor to remodel our newly purchased home. But my two-year old daughter’s slow development was nagging at me. Our new pediatrician’s words, “Just love her and she’ll be fine” not only did these words not relieve my concerns, they made me angry.

We took her in for a developmental evaluation and my world was thrust upside down when we received the diagnosis. I closed my law practice’s doors and began working part time from home. I devoted the next few years to becoming an expert in autism and running a 40 hour a week therapy program in our home. My goal was to bring her back (sometimes kicking and screaming) into our world from which her autism had caused her to retreat.

To call the next few years difficult is an understatement. But I rejoiced in each tiny milestone. We tried to focus more on the “one steps forward” rather than the “two steps back” which are the hallmarks of the progress children with autism display. The tiny accomplishments – her first three-word sentence at 6 years old, the first time her whisper quiet voice uttered “I love you” at 8 – kept us going. Days like the time the entire neighborhood, with the Police helicopter hovering overhead, were out searching for her when she managed to get out the front door, we worked to put out of our mind. Worse were the times before she developed language and her only communication tool was aggression. Her oppositional behavior challenged me in ways no judge or opposing attorney had been able to in my career. She was tough, but my resolve to help her was tougher.

Somewhere during that time, I lost sight of the woman I had been before. Laughter didn’t come easily anymore, and my husband and older daughter didn’t get the attention they deserved as my efforts were laser focused on Lauren’s “recovery”. Insomnia plagued me, and I had lost the desire to socialize with friends for the most part. Burning the candle at both ends had burned me out.

When Lauren finally began emerging from the grip of her most isolating deficits and difficult behaviors, I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I found myself planning more social gatherings and venturing out in the community more, but something was still missing. I could never completely escape my stress. My family pleaded with me to take myself fully away. But it was hard to leave town and give over control to anyone else.

The logistics involved to make that first trip come to fruition were daunting. We lined up drivers to get the girls to school, therapy and activities throughout the County; wrote pages of instructions for caretakers; stuffed pre-cooked gluten free meals in the freezer and finally packed our suitcases. We left for the airport with no lack of trepidation.

It took us the first few days to get over our guilt at leaving and to slough off the daily stress of life before we could really enjoy the sights, sounds and tastes of Italy. But nearing the end of our trip, sipping Italian wine by candlelight along a small Venetian canal, listening to the operatic notes of gondolier’s voices while water softly lapped under their paddles, we finally were able to fully give ourselves over to the joy, peace and romance of Italy.

That taste of escape from the stresses of daily life was delicious. And, I came home rejuvenated and recharged to tackle life again. I felt a renewed sense of joy and love for my husband and children. The old me who jumped at the chance to socialize with friends and entertain returned. Until I forced myself to take a break from coordinating therapists, the constant quest for new ways to positively reinforce Lauren and motivate her to learn that next important skill, I didn’t know how much I had buried myself under my responsibilities.

At some point in life, many of us will find ourselves playing the role of caregiver. Whether it’s caring for a parent with dementia, a family member with a serious illness or a child with a challenging disability, allowing yourself the luxury to completely decompress, to recharge the batteries so you can re-dedicate yourself to caring for your loved one with the compassion and care they need and deserve is vital to both of you. I realized not allowing myself to indulge in those passions had not been a loss just for me, but for those I cared for as well. In some ways, this first vacation my husband and I took alone was the most luxurious. The luxury was in the sense of peace – the waking up with a feeling of calm that stayed with me long after we returned home.

The next trip was one of my favorites of all time. My parents were celebrating their 50th anniversary and invited my siblings and our spouses to an amazing two-week trip through France. The logistics to make this one happen were even more daunting, but I now was blessed with the knowledge of what a gift the time away was for all of us. Allowing myself to become fully immersed in the culture of another country renewed my energy to re-immerse myself into the work I had to do back home. The work of encouraging my daughter farther down the path to the fullest life possible. Giving myself the gift of travel – gave me back the gift of hope for the future.

5StarTips🌟 for traveling during life’s challenges:

🌟 You may feel guilty about leaving your loved one at home, but remind yourself that you will be able to care for them with renewed compassion and love when you have had a chance to escape your worries while away.

🌟 While it can be hard to accept favors, take your family and friends up on offers to help. Mine were so happy for us that we were getting away, they offered to drive the girls to school and therapy appointments, bring meals over and assure homework assignments made it home.

🌟 Hire people to do the tasks that haven’t been filled by friends. I called former home program therapists and paid them to drive the girls to appointments. It was well worth the money.

🌟 Don’t be surprised if your stress follows you. Give yourself a day or two before you expect the calmness to settle in. It will.

🌟 Plan some activities that will take your mind away from things at home. Consider booking a tour with a local guide to take the stress off planning what to do when you arrive. Go see that art exhibit or concert in town. Take that strenuous hike up the mountain or swim under the waterfall. The key is taking your mind away and filling it with something that will make great memories that will last for years to come.

Final Thoughts:

When life is at its most chaotic, taking a trip away seems impossible. And yet, it is precisely when our obligations overwhelm us, that getting away from the stress of those obligations becomes more a necessity. I hope you will give yourself that gift. I believe you, and your loved ones will be grateful you did.

Always5Star Special Note about Lyn Semeta:

I am proud to share with all of you that Lyn is my sister-in-law and her two amazing daughters are my beloved nieces. She is married to a fantastic husband, Rich, who is incredible as well! Lyn and I share an extraordinary bond, not only as a family, but I consider her a cherished friend as well. We have grown closer and closer throughout the years, not only because we both share a passion for travel, but we both have supported each other with our efforts to combat life’s trials. For me, she embodies what I envisioned this website should be about. That we can live our dreams and that hope is always alive!

So, what does that mean to me?

My goal is to be able to inspire people to develop and define what their Always5Star moments are no matter what challenges life brings us. These moments can have many definitions and are not always about expensive luxury. It might just be escaping for a quick moment to create a feeling of joy, excitement, laughter, or appreciation of an opportunity to rest, rejuvenate, and relax. To return to who we are truly meant to be.

Lyn and I have traveled many times together, and not just the two of us, but with our wonderful husbands as well. These are very meaningful memories for us! We have experienced incredible trips when the travel gods deemed to gift us with the most fantastic moments…and other times when we have lost luggage, been lost in a foreign country, and even snuck a bottle of wine into a five-star hotel because we couldn’t afford the expensive wine at the hotel, to name a few.

But, most importantly, we enjoyed the best luxury of all – the luxury of time away, to embrace our mutual goals of exploring, embracing the arts, and immersing ourselves in other cultures. There were also times when Lyn and I were in a hotel room and just had the luxury of time to share and offer support to each other! The outcome was always that we felt renewed and then capable of jumping back into our lives to handle the next challenge life would throw our way.

I am humbled that she shared this extraordinary story with all of you as a gift to me. I hope in some way this inspires you – that no matter what life hurdles you will face…there is always hope and the opportunity to make your dreams come true!

Cheers and love to you all! I wish that all of you can find YOUR Always5Star moments!

Please share with Lyn and I any times in your life when traveling has helped heal you! I would love to hear it all!

Lyn and I recently had this toast at the Montage Resort in Laguna Beach, California – Celebrating over 10 years of travel together!

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